Thursday, January 27, 2011

Expect the unexpected

"Where is it written that others must act the way we want them to. It may be preferable but not necessary" - Albert Ellis

I have heard a lot about expectations in relationships (this is not to say I am an expert, its just I'm a girl... I have a lot of girlfriends.... And we talk) and from my personal opinion the main reason for many break ups is un realistic expectations(even though people may not know it). We go about having unrealistic expectations of the people in our lives, and sure enough we always end up disappointed. I can raise my hands to this one.

I have expectations of everyone, from my family, friends, boyfriend(s) even teachers, in fact the only people I have zero expectations of are people I don't know and have never met before. Its just the way the world goes round, no matter what kind of relationship you have, whether romantic or platonic, it is going to have some kind of expectations.

Now I don't think this is wrong, I mean besides the fact that I think expectations are ingrained in us from birth with expecting our parents love and take care of us, I also feel that how else are things going to happen (our way) if we don't have a blueprint of how we want them to happen? Right? Wrong.

Having expectations of others is a dangerous pursuit. I think too often we fall in the trap of expecting the people in our lives, especially the ones we date to act and behave a certain way, and become frustrated, angry or hurt when they do not. But see, this is because expectations are one sided. YOU expect something from someone which THEY at no stage agreed to. It is as if we are trying to mould them into the 'perfect match' rather than trying to figure out if they are our match to begin with, and moving on if they are not.

Expectations, whether stated or hidden frequently create all sorts of drama, like communications break down, relationship conflicts, distrust, misunderstandings, emotional distress and a whole lot of other problems. When a person fails to deliver MY expectation I am hurt, disappointed and resentful, THEY didn't stand a chance. They were blissfully unaware that I even had such expectations from them. See how that works? Yeah, not so well.

Remember, the only person you can control is yourself. You may want a perfectly scripted relationship but happily ever after only exists in books and movies (you can read more of this in my post Not In The Real World) relationships are a continual work in progress, keeping your pride and ego at bay, accepting certain things and learning to pick your fights. Not sending you roses just because its wednesday is surely not a battle worth fighting. Not doing what he\she says and not keeping their word--> well now that's worth pursuing.

If you want your relationship to be what it could and should be rather set realistic expectations or better yet toss it away all together and go with no expectations at all. Expect the unexpected, after all expectations are really just planned disappointments.

"Happiness is living without expectations" - Peter Cajander


Friday, January 21, 2011

There is always someone worse off than you

I usually find myself saying phrases like 'I'm so depressed' 'I wanna kill myself' 'this is the worst day of my life' usually followed by '... Because I lost my phone' or '... Because I failed an assignment' or '... Because I stepped in a pile of dog shit, and the water at my house has been turned off, and my lap top shutdown meaning I can't watch Vampire Diaries and skype my boyfriend'.
That surely is nothing to take anti- depressants over. This is not to say that my life is so rosy that I have little to be depressed about. No, it just means there is someone out there worse off than me who would really put good use to words like 'depressed, kill myself and worst day of my life'

So maybe your boyfriend\girlfriend broke up with you, you trying to quit smoking is proving harder than quantum physics, your best friend walked away from you over something small, your family is driving you up the wall because they just won't let you grow up, or they are working you harder than a lab rat at your job. (Sorry about that, no really I am) but here is the bigger picture: chances are its not the end of the world.
Unless of course you are going through a nasty break up and the rapture begins and it really is the end of the world. Then you're unlucky.

People never really believe this though, until you actually meet this "someone worse off than you" someone with more problems with love, someone with problems with family, more problems with friends, more problems at work\school, just more problems. I mean, we have people losing their homes and loved ones to the floods, we have people being victims of human trafficking, we have young children being abducted and forced to work as child soilders, we have people living with and dying from HIV\AIDS, we have people living in poverty unable to get an education.

Being sad, angry and hurt about things is a natural reaction for us, and more than allowed, so yes, wallow, cry, punch a wall, pretend to be britney spears for the day (hey, to each his own) but no matter how bad or stressful things may seem there is someone out there who is having a much worse time and are still managing to keep their head and hopes up.

When I'm having a bad day, I'm having a BAD day, I make it about everything that is so wrong with my life, forgetting that I have a lot to be greatful for. The world is an unfair place and I've gotten the lucky-ish roll of the dice, (I'm no beyonce or anything) and I should be greatful for that. So should you.

Be thankful for the little you have got.



Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Awkward Moment

Well here is an awkward moment for you, sponsored by the crickets *insert cricket noise* facebook is not closing on the 15th of March. Now some of you may say, 'oh well I knew that', and to that I say 'I'm so happy for you, you deserve five gold stars, you star pupil you'

This is all levels of awkward for me though, mainly because my post before this said it was closing down. I went the whole nine yards on this one, quotes and all.(Actually someone warned me about that) any way I take comfort in the fact that I was not the only one who fell prey to this false rumour, so there.

Let's laugh this one off shall we.

I wonder what happened to honest journalism though, you know, where you would read a story and know its true because that's just how the world works. It's as if all forms of ethics have been thrown out the window. Sad.

So lesson learnt, (which is where the story was published) = bad. Apparently the site is best known for its fictitious stories such as 'Alien spaceships to attack earth in 2011' and 'Megan Fox is a man'.. Honestly?

Teaches you not to believe most of what you reading, nothing of what you hear and all of what you see.


Sunday, January 9, 2011

R.I.P Facebook

People usually have some morning routine they are used to you know, wake up, make their bed, go use the toilet, check perez hilton dot com and that's how their day begins, everyday for the rest of their life. Well, I have mine. I wake up, check twitter, and then facebook and by then I'm ready to get out of bed. So today, I wake up and obviously I check twitter and what do I see? News that facebook is CLOSING down on the 15 of March! *jaw drops*

How could Mark Zuckerberg say 'Facebook has gotten out of control' oh wait, that's actually true.
Ok then, how could he say that he does not think that people will be upset? Does he know how many children stay playing farmville? Does he know how many sad souls need to let people know "what's on their minds"? Does he know how many paedophiles he is putting out of business? No Mark, I can bet you A LOT of people will be upset.

He is right about one thing though, now people will actually make the effort to have real contact with people and make real friends. And that's a really good thing. Some people have like a gazillion fafillion (yes that's a number) friends and when it actually comes down to it they actually often only talk to ten people. *raises hands* I can admit to that, I have quite a few friends and I only care about and talk to a selected few. So Mark 1- the rest of the world 0

Even though I check my facebook every morning, I kind of lost interest in it. I mean I love facebook and everything and it will always have a place in my heart, its kind of one of those things that are hard to let go of, you know your first puppy, your old house. So yes I was and am still quite shocked at this news, thank you Mark, but im sure the world will carry on just fine without facebook. In fact it will.

So if you care for your pictures, notes, links and videos make sure you get them before the 15th of March or they will be permanently erased. Hpmh and there we thought our pictures might just stay on the internet forever. The rest of the world 1- Mark 0


Saturday, January 8, 2011

Be the exception not the rule

I recently watched he is just not that into you, (finally) which is quite funny because when I read the book I knew it was something that I had to see. When I finally got the chance you could imagine my excitement. Movie tickets bought, popcorn and cokes in hand but once inside it was a different story, my boyfriend and I totally skipped the movie because we were worried debonairs would close before the movie ended, and we just could not have that. So.... We missed it. And now its January 2011 and two years later I finally got to see what I missed. And damn me for not watching it earlier because I really could have learnt a thing or two.

Any way, I'm a serial quoter of all things cute, funny, inspirational and just darn right true, and this movie taught me something that's actually common sense but I never quite wrapped my mind around it.

Be the exception not the rule.

We girls try find excuses for the things guys do. Whether its because we are completely clueless, or just trying to convince ourselves that we have found 'the one', we always try see the situation for what it really isn't. For example, (taken out of the movie) if you meet a guy, things seem to be going well. you exchange numbers, share a passionate kiss and after all that the guy does not call you, then he is not interested. The movie explains that if a guy is interested he will call you immediately, you will not need 2 play the 'wait-three-days-before-I-call' game or wait 7 days wishing on broken chicken bones that he will call, he just will.
However there is the EXCEPTION, he really might not be able 2 call for whatever reasons even though he may really want to.
I don't know, on his way from the restaurant his phone fell in a puddle and he lost all his numbers along with the phone, or his phone got stolen right from his hands and he really did try chase the phone thieves down the street but lost his breath and had to stop. <-- I'm reaching here but hey, you know what I mean. Things happen, everyday, and some of these things might be the reasons why your beau did not call like he said he would. Which I should add is RARELY the case, I mean what are the chances. But any way, in such situations you are the exception.

Us ladies always feel like we are the exception, as I said before, we like giving ourselves silly reasons as to why 'he' does what he does that makes it okay. While its okay to think you may be the exception we shouldn't block out the possibility that we might be the rule. We should always have in mind that we have a fat chance of being the rule and this maybe, just maybe could save us from heartbreak. We would know we are being taken for a ride and quit while we are ahead.
It sounds easier said than done, and maybe it actually is but if we don't want to end up on our couches with a box of tissues on our lap and 'notting hill' playing in the background then we have to not just say it but do it. We have 2 value ourselves that much more and know when we are the rule and be brave enough to accept it and move on... *starts to be corny* after all there is the right one out there waiting to make you his exception.. Oh yes, and you will have 2 kiss a few frogs before you find your prince. *done being corny*

If he does not call you don't wait around for that phone to ring, leave him.
If he does not want to marry you because he does not believe in marriage, don't wait around for him to change his mind, leave him.
If he keeps giving reasons for not wanting to commit to you(not just by marriage), don't make excuses for his bad behaviour, leave that man in the dust.
If its been months and he is still not asking you out, leave him. What is he waiting for? The rapture?
If he is emotionally disconnected but sticks around, leave him. You are not raising a child, he is clearly not interested or ready for a real relationship with you. Leave that boy, uhm I mean man.
If a guy continuously stands you up, blows you off or shows up late, leave him. He does not respect you or your time. Do we wanna date that? *Nelly Furtado voice* didn't think so.
If he is involved in another relationship (this is a no brainer) leave him. He is off limits AND might I add he is 99.9% of the time lying that 'he will leave her for you' ALSO if he does leave her for you what are the chances he won't leave you for someone else? All I'm saying is leave him.
If he only thinks about you late at night, leave him. You desrve all day everyday kind of attention.
If he all of a sudden gives you the silent treatment, leave him. Its most likely he is talking to someone else so what's point, wait around till he is bored with her? You're better than that. Leave him.

Men find it satisfying to get what they want, this is not rocket science, you can tell. Activity: Watch them when they play poker, watch them when they win you a gift a a fun fair by hitting that thing hard, watch them after they have just put you to bed, they are satisfied and happy because of it, SO if they are doing none of the above its because they don't want to. So leave him.

Tell me, are you the rule? Or the exception?